The good stuff

It has been a while since my last post on this blog and more than one person has been giving me shit for it. So without further delay I will share with all of you another one of my favorite drinks.

I wanted to make sure the drink that I came back with was a good one, so I decided to choose my current "favorite" beer. At the moment it just happens to be the Smuttynose Robust porter. Unfortunately, a good portion of my readers will not be able to try this brew. That is because it is a microbrew from Portsmouth New Hampshire. I know exactly what your thinking, "Where the fuck is Portsmouth New Hampshire?" If you will take a moment to look at the map I have provided you will know exactly where the fuck it is. Fortunately, you don't actually have to go to Portsmouth to get this beer. It has become so popular that it is sold throughout the northeast U.S.

Enough about New Hampshire, it's time to get talking about this beautiful beer. I will start off by saying that is a heavy beer and won't be liked by those that like their beers to taste like water. Actually, a good word to describe this beer would be, ROBUST! Good job Smuttynose. Seriously, this isn't just a darker beer with a touch of flavor, like Guinness. This is a full flavored porter. Most of the people that don't drink dark beer might want to group the two together, but this would be a huge mistake. Guinness is a dry Irish stout. It's dark, has a nice bit of flavor, is wonderfully creamy, and is very light as far as dark beers go. The Robust porter is damn near black, not all that creamy, moderately heavy as far as dark beers go, and packed full of different flavors. That last part is what's going to set Smuttynose's porter at the top.

Like other porters it has your usual roasted or burnt flavor. It also has a great combination of the usual chocolate and coffee flavors mixed in with a punch of hoppiness. That's not all though. I have had a lot of great porters, but something in the Smuttynose recipe makes their beer stand out, and I didn't know what that was until i tried their IPA(India Pale Ale). I believe their secret ingredient is their selection of hops. Most IPA style beers taste similar(at least to me), but when I tried Smuttynose's IPA, I was blown away again. It probably isn't the greatest IPA in the world, but it has the perfect combination of flavors that I crave.(With an IPA that flavor is pretty much just the type of hops that the brewery uses. This is why I think it's their secret weapon.) It is the same craving I get for their porter, but doesn't have all of the other flavors to complement it. That is the only reason why the porter came out on top. Well that and the fact that I prefer dark beers. Either way, Smuttynose is kicking out some of the best beer on the market and that is even after comparing them to breweries like Samuel Smith and Great Lakes. They are also doing it at a very reasonable price. If you are looking to get a feel for dark beer I think Smuttynose's Robust porter is the beer to pick up. If you're not a fan of dark beer, but would still like a beer with a little more flavor, I would suggest trying one of their other beers. I know I'm going to try every one of them.

This post is already too long, so I'm going to wrap it up. This is possibly one of the best drinks on the planet and I dare you to compare it to your favorite dark beer. The first time I tried this beer I was also drinking the Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald porter. At the time I was in love with that beer and rightfully so, but after my first Smuttynose I couldn't stand going back to that weakness. It would have been like choosing robin to protect you instead of batman. Just a stupid choice.

Long Island Ice Tea

This post is for all of the people out there that like a nice tasting, yet hard hitting drink. If you have never heard of a Long Island Ice Tea, don't worry, I hadn't either. Well I had heard about them, but never really knew what they were.

Before I go on with this post I want to issue a warning. Do not drink more than one of these your first time. With that said I will move on with the description.

A Long Island Ice Tea, if made properly, is a pint glass filed to the top with vodka, rum(white), tequila, and gin. As the glass is just about full, they dump in a splash of Triple Sec. Finally, just as the liquid reaches the brim, they put in a dash of cola, which pretty much just spills over the top of the glass. They shake it all up and everyone at the bar looks at you like you're insane. After watching it be prepared your first reaction is probably, "There is no way I can stomach this." However, after you start drinking it, you realize that it couldn't be easier to drink and is actually quite good. This is a problem and why I issued the warning. You also will not notice much of a buzz after you start drinking it and maybe even after you finish the drink. I assure you that it will catch up to you, so don't order any more! All of my warnings aside, this drink is fantastic. I usually hate to mix up my liquor, but this is a sure exception. It is by far the best mixed drink I have ever had and one that I will most certainly order next time I go to that bar. I suggest you do the same and make sure you ask them for the real Long Island Ice Tea. I have seen bars make very weak versions of the drink and they are ultimately disappointing by comparison. So do yourself a favor and grab yourself a real Long Island Ice Tea.

Whishey chugs

Has anyone else noticed the insaine amount of whiskey chugging videos on youtube? some of them are the normal, chug a pint videos, but other people on there are really going for the gold and trying to finish a liter or more. I was poking around and noticed a few that seemed pretty real,usually drunk guys at a party, but then i stumbled across one where the guy was completely alone and trying to chug a liter of Canadian pisskey. I thought it was  hilarious and had to share it on my blog. The other videos usally had the person folding to peer pressure while a crowd cheered him to the bottom of the bottle, but not this hero. He is completely alone while he tries to choke down this bottle of whiskey. He starts gagging several times in the video, but that doesn't stop him. He knows he has his youtube fans to impress and continues on with the bottle without any moral support. My favorite part was at 2:15 where you think he is done after setting down the bottle, but he picks it right back up for one last hoorah. +1 for this trooper.

Rex Goliath

  Over my extended break I have done my fair share of whiskey drinking, but haven't really strayed away from the usual stuff. However, whie taking a stroll through my usual liqour superstore I noticed a bottle of wine that was advertising itself with a 47 pound cock. Amazed at my discovery of this bum wine I immediatly forced my friend to buy it. He is a cheap wine drinker so it wasn't all that hard to force him. Anyway we both weren't really expectiing it to be drinkable. We thought that its enourmous $8 privce tag for 1.5 liters was spent on the pretty label and giant rooster gimick(how many of you actually thought i was talking about a penis?). Amazingly  this wasn't the case and the cabbernet version was actually drinkable. It isn't by any means the best wine you can pick up, but if you're poor like me, it is a perfectly accceptable drink for the price tag. So for all of my whiskey drinking readers out there looking for something different, I say Give Rex Goliath a try.

Inver House

I am sure there are plenty of you out there thinking, " Where can I find a cheap scotch whisky that I can drink like water?" Well, I have good news for all of you, I have found that whisky. I'm sure many of you haven't seen this whisky considering it sits at the very bottom shelf at local liquor store. If you want to find it, be sure to ask the manager for the key to the cellar, that way you can go low enough to find this whisky and possible the legendary five star. Once you get down there and beat your way through the cob webs you should see some dusty bottles of Inver House staring you in the face. You will know it is Inver House because the label will tell you that it is imported scotch whiskey and that it is "very rare scotch whisky." It will also be in a sweet green handle. You can buy it in a bottle, but for $18 why not just get 1.75L?

Once you purchase this magic elixir you need to rush right home to try it out. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Once you get home grab a regular beer glass to pour your Inver House into. Yeah I said it right, a beer glass. Be sure to fill the cup up to the top that way you can feel like a man. Now that the glass is full what are you waiting for? Gulp that shit down! You will notice at first it tastes like a mossy rock with a hint of trashcan and asshole, but this will fade soon enough. The main thing to notice is that this whisky doesn't burn.... at all. It's a little too easy to drink and because of this I will warn you not to drink too much. Not because I care about your safety, but because the hangover you will get from this stuff is going to be horrible. Almost as bad as Chimes or 5 star. Don't let this scare you though, if you need a whisky that you can chug for whatever reason, this is the whisky for you. So go grab yours now.

Cooperstown Brewing Company

Today I am going to give all of my readers a break from the usual whiskey talk and instead let everybody know what my favorite beer is.

As you can tell from the title it is made by Cooperstown Brewing Co. For all of you that don't know where that is, it is a little brewing company in upstate NY. If you are ever up that way make sure you stop in a little specialty beer store to pick some of this up. I personally fell in love with their stout and porter brews. Strikeout and Benchwarmer respectively. For those that aren't familiar with beer, stouts and porters would be dark and heavy beers. If you don't like heavy beers then this post is not for you, if you do, this is a must try. I like almost every stout I try, but strikeout has stood out as my favorite for a long time now. It has such a strong and rich flavor to it that I almost don't want to swallow it. I only do so that I can take a breath and let everybody in the room know how much I love it by making orgasmic screams while dry humping the garbage can. I find it very hard to properly describe this beers flavor. For a quick comparison, the Strikeout stout would be a much thicker, sweeter, and fuller Guiness. Seeing as Guiness is an Irish dry stout, this is expected. I just figured that would be a good guide for those of you that are used to drinking Guiness. v I'll keep this post short, I just wanted to tell my beer lovers to give this a try. I don't think I can describe it too well, so you guys will have to just give it a try.

Saturday night special

It's Saturday night and I know all of my followers will be going out to have a little bit of fun and some whiskey of course. In the spirit of the weekly holiday I though that I would give you guys a Saturday night special. The special for this week is going to be a couple of drinking  games to kill the time. These games were used by me and my friends to either to prepare for a night out or to mess with someone who thought that they were a "heavy drinker" There are two versions of this game with slight variants to each, I will address both in this post. Oh, and there are no official names to these games that I know of. As far as I'm concerned they are original....ish. The first one has probably been done, but just not documented.

First, we have what I like to call the Basketball game. Don't worry you only have to watch basketball, not play it. The game is very simple and can be played with either whiskey, beer, or any other drink, but whiskey makes it the most fun. Obviously I with whiskey, as does my group of friends, but considering you're new, beer will be just fine. To start off with find a basketball game on T.V. or in our case accidentally stumble upon one while channel surfing and drinking whiskey. Second, Choose a team to be on. It was easy for me, considering we always had to watch Knicks games, I just chose the team that wasn't the Knicks. The scoring is simple. Each time the opposite team makes a shot you take a drink of whiskey. If they dunk or make a 3pt shot it's two drinks. Anyone who watches basketball will quickly realize that this adds up to about 40-50 drinks in a game, lower for you if the other guy's team is the Knicks. Seeing as we consider a third to a half a shot of whiskey as a drink this is going to be over 13 shots of whiskey pretty much every time. Unfortunately, the commercial breaks slow things down so we end up drinking during those as well; however, if 13 drinks sounds like a lot to you, then you don't have to do this. Well that's the basketball game, I'm not even sure if it's basketball season, if not I thought I could at least give you this game for future enjoyment.

The next game is really short and easy. It is also only for the strongest of wills. It's known as the baseball game. I will get right to the point with this game, you drink every time they switch camera angles. If you have never watched a baseball game like I haven't, this is a TON of drinking. You will be lucky to make it out of the first inning. If you do, don't make any plans because you will be hammered! That is if you're playing with whiskey, you may be able to make it longer with beer. This isn't so much of a game to play before you go out, but rather a game to end your night. Be careful with this game, I wouldn't suggest playing it if you can't finish the basketball game. Well that's the baseball game, probably the only way to watch baseball without killing yourself from the boredom. I'm sure you can play it tonight seeing as baseball season never seems to end.

I would like to hear any great games that you guys like to play. Post them or the name of them in the comments so I can look them up and give them a try.

Drinking songs

Well this post was supposed to be one about one of my favorite drinking songs with a video included, but I can't seem to find the song online anymore! I guess I will just have to give you the name and let you guys find it. Then maybe  you could post the link for me.

Anyway my favorite drinking song is Moonshiner as played by Bob Dylan. It's actually an old folk song, so there are a lot of covers, but I prefer the Bob Dylan version. I guess I like it because I had a friend that used to play it while we were drinking, but it's still a great drinking song regardless. As you probably already guessed it's just a song about some moonshiner that drinks all the time and hangs out in bars. Sounds like me, a match made in heaven I guess. I do like other drinking songs and am always looking for more so what are your favorite drinking songs? Post them in the comments so I can look for them while i drink a glass of whiskey.

what not to drink

I thought I would change it up this time and write about a whiskey that you should stay far, far away from. It's known as Chymes Canadian whiskey, but I know it as gasoline mixed with goat piss and horse semen. Yes I do know what all three of those taste like separately ;)

On a serious note, do stay away from this drink. I am a regular whiskey drinker and I can safely say that this is most certainly not whiskey. I think it tastes more like how isopropyl alcohol would taste. There is no flavor to this drink except pure alcohol. So you might be thinking that it tastes more like a cheap vodka? Wrong! I would suck down a whole bottle of Skol vodka before I touched this shit again. Oh, did I mention that you are guaranteed to get a hang over? You are! Don't bother making plans for the day after because you are going to spend it curled up in the fetal position in a dark closet hoping that the pain goes away. You will also be contemplating suicide during this time, so make sure that you lock up any guns, knives, and doors to high places. Maybe now you're thinking that this stuff can't be as bad as I am making it out to be and that you are going to try it just to be sure? Good luck buddy because I don't expect to hear from you after making the journey down that rough road. Most people call it the road to suicide. 5 star is the only "whiskey" that even compares to this garbage and I am pretty sure they stopped making 5 star. Probably because it's a biohazard. I'm surprised they they haven't done the same thing with Chymes because it's just as bad. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I make something so toxic for people to ingest. The monsters that brew Chymes must be trying to kill all of the people that buy it because it is not something that should be ingested by any living organism. On that note, I finished a whole handle of it. didn't want to let my $15 go to waste.

I'm back and have much to tell

I am finally back from my trip and have tried plenty of new whiskeys to write about. Because of my trip I haven't had any time to post so I will be making up for it full force in this coming week.

One of the whiskeys I just tried is Michter's American whiskey and I must say I was thoroughly impressed. I had never even heard of it up here, so I was skeptical, but after my first sip I knew I was going to have trouble not drinking the whole bottle. My next reviews will definitely be on this whiskey and will probably be followed by ones on Even Williams single barrel, Bulleit, Bookers, Sam Houston, and Russell's reserve. I had some others, but Russell's and Michter's were the two that stood out the most. Hope the rest of you were enjoying the crappy weather with plenty of good whiskey just like me.